WHALES ARE BACK!!!

Out on the big blue again, saw 7 big whales... makes me happy to know they're back. Welcome to Banderas Bay!!! This season I have to get a jumping picture.

Crazy November

Tan lleno de cosas y por el otro lado tan vacio... cansada de tanto hacer, contenta por lo que viene y triste por lo que se va quedando atras.. 
Casi Diciembre ya, otro anito mas, que gran fortuna. Cada dia esta mejor todo, cada dia las cosas tienen mas forma y todo se va clarificando... mes intenso, lleno de sentimientos y posibilidades pero al final lleno de desiciones, fuerza, logica y sentido comun, eso es todo... 
En tanto el reloj sigue dando la vuelta y uno sigue caminando....corriendo, manejando, yendo, viniendo, subiendo y bajando, todo a mil siempre pero concientemente buscando el gozo y el equilibrio que aveces siento tan cercano y otras inmensamente lejos... se hace camino al andar.

Out on the big Blue

 

Finally out again! South Shore, what a beauty!

Ideas prestadas

¿Qué es lo verdaderamente importante?,
busco en mi interior la respuesta,
y me es tan difícil de encontrar.
Falsas ideas invaden mi mente,
acostumbrada a enmascarar lo que no entiende,
aturdida en un mundo de irreales ilusiones,
donde la vanidad, el miedo, la riqueza,
la violencia, el odio, la indiferencia,
se convierten en adorados héroes,
¡no me extraña que exista tanta confusión,
tanta lejanía de todo, tanta desilusión!.
Me preguntas cómo se puede ser feliz,
cómo entre tanta mentira puede uno convivir,
cada cual es quien se tiene que responder,
aunque para mí, aquí, ahora y para siempre:
Queda prohibido llorar sin aprender,
levantarme un día sin saber qué hacer,
tener miedo a mis recuerdos,
sentirme sólo alguna vez.
Queda prohibido no sonreír a los problemas,
no luchar por lo que quiero,
abandonarlo todo por tener miedo,
no convertir en realidad mis sueños.
Queda prohibido no demostrarte mi amor,
hacer que pagues mis dudas y mi mal humor,
inventarme cosas que nunca ocurrieron,
recordarte sólo cuando no te tengo.
Queda prohibido dejar a mis amigos,
no intentar comprender lo que vivimos,
llamarles sólo cuando los necesito,
no ver que también nosotros somos distintos.
Queda prohibido no ser yo ante la gente,
fingir ante las personas que no me importan,
hacerme el gracioso con tal de que me recuerden,
olvidar a todos aquellos que me quieren.
Queda prohibido no hacer las cosas por mí mismo,
no creer en mi dios y hallar mi destino,
tener miedo a la vida y a sus castigos,
no vivir cada día como si fuera un último suspiro.
Queda prohibido echarte de menos sin alegrarme,
odiar los momentos que me hicieron quererte,
todo porque nuestros caminos han dejado de abrazarse,
olvidar nuestro pasado y pagarlo con nuestro presente.
Queda prohibido no intentar comprender a las personas,
pensar que sus vidas valen más que la mía,
no saber que cada uno tiene su camino y su dicha,
sentir que con su falta el mundo se termina.
Queda prohibido no crear mi historia,
dejar de dar las gracias a mi familia por mi vida,
no tener un momento para la gente que me necesita,
no comprender que lo que la vida nos da, también nos lo quita.
Alfredo Cuervo Barrero (fredi@euskalnet.net)

Day one

To whatever has to happen next.. probably I just don't care anymore and whatever will be will be. Emptiness in despite of all the good that surrounds me. -"Ibis, don't be such an idiot, you know how to do this, you've done it a thousand times before... shift your fucking focus"- I shall allow myself to curse in public and in writing, double sin, but yes, Fuck, a 1000 times fuck... what a release, it feels good, why be so proper all the time? This is a FUCK!!!! day and this shall too pass.
I will allow myself to go down tonight but from tomorrow I am up and running, light, flying like an eagle and seeing while trusting. Is this growth or stupid sacrifice?
Back to my old writing habits, no sense in continuing on Surreal Puerto Vallarta, finally understood that it should be Surreal Ibis. I write for myself, I write to be able to come back in some months and laugh and remember how was Ibis feeling/thinking when she wrote that... she's always the same person... stronger, in despite of the weak low  days, like today.
This postedvideo made me cry tonight, I feel lost, did I loose myself? No, I am too strong for that... not me.
Just a few hours ago somebody I don't know and who someone got into my msn account respectfully greet me, out of boredom and curiosity, I replied back, thinking probably this person might be someone work related. To my surprise this stranger asked me why I haven't been writing lately? He said he really enjoyed the stuff I wrote and the pictures... so to you new friend Julio Cesar, I write tonight, thank you for giving me my therapy back in a day than only I know how much I needed it. The inevitable happens, I am back to common sense, no more crazy for me, whatever will be will be... want to wake up to Day two tomorrow.

Making it easier

First attempt to publish directly from my email.... maybe like this I will start writing again...

The picture is Martina's first golf lesson, Just checking if I can post pictures from here too.

38 times grateful!

I am entering another gate.
This I shall pass through in grateful and blessed mood.
Age is good, becoming older is good.
I am living the cumulus of experience, good and bad, in which there is not such a thing as bad experience, because bad has made me more of the good of what I am today. I now understand that 40 is good, 50 is better and 60 must be for sure the best.
The body may age, I feel grateful because mine is holding up the passage of time in a very good shape. I am strong, healthy, full of willpower and intention, in good shape and blessed of having a physical body that can follow thorough my wiser and "younger in despite of age" more experienced self with a much more centered mind.
I still have so much to accomplish but now I have a better idea on the how tos, that not so far ago seemed like a mystery.
The path has been reveling itself while a walk into a happier existence. I am surrounded with light and love from everything that touches my existence. It has always been like this, since I was in my mothers belly, but finally now I am realizing it… took me a long time...and this must be one of the purposes of growing older.

I woke up in my bed today with my two kids, Emilia and Martina, and as I open my eyes they were the first thing my 38-year-old eyes saw.
I see in them the pulsing life and beauty and the opportunity of shaping a better world through another two human beings, who by my guidance and they’re own decisions, hopefully will find bliss in this very confused world. First birthday gift.

I look down while wondering how did they ended in my bed last night with out me feeling them , and as I thinking that, I see Loui, my dog , Canela, my cat and Manick, the cat visiting cousin, on my feet, happily being, just chilling.
Today I don’t think about the possibility of them having flees jump into my bed and feeling exalted about it, but I limit myself to see in them (and in my kids sleeping) harmony and life. I feel happy. Second birthday gift.

I stand up, look out the window, I see the rain, I see it’s all green. Instead of cursing because I forgot the rug out last night and its soaking wet, I laugh and feel happy while I feel the very rare not so cool fresh morning breeze of the Puerto Vallarta hot summer. Third Birthday gift.

I came down the stairs, feeling vey sleepy still forgetting that today is my birthday, while trying to have the first coherent thoughts of the day and sensing the very precious and rare moments of silence in the house, which only happen early in the morning and late at night, which I treasure because in them is where I can have a little bit more sublime feelings and thoughts.

I do a quick mental list of today, ideas jumping out of my mind, from sipping mate to perhaps going out for dinner with my girlfriends tonight and passing in a instant 50+ activities that may take place today for the enjoyment of others and myself.

I come into the kitchen and see 25 dirty glasses that made me think of the kid-gang that runs everyday into the house like if has a catwalk, each little angel (or devil depending on my mood), leaves a lesson, a laugh and a ton of dirt and used kitchen ware. I laugh to my inside, start warming the water for my final wakeup ritual, open the kitchen faucet, and start washing glasses feeling happy. Forth birthday gift,

The house wakes up, Loui needs out to pee, the cats meow for food, Harriet the ferret looks at me directly into my eyes through the kitchen glass door begging for food, the water boils, Martina comes down as usual wearing only her undies and hugs me. Fifth birthday gift.

Mate is ready. Sixth birthday gift.

I start making my day plan, now fully awake. Emilia comes down and hugs me, she tells me I love you mom. My hearth boils with joy, and asks, -as usual-, “MAAAAAA, what are we gonna do todaaaaaay”-
-‘Don’t know baby” – I reply, -“We are just waking up, something fun don’t worry, today’s my birthday”- and as I say it I finally realize it, TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY, wow! (then I have a super quick tought about the relativity of time, I think of the Mayan calendar, the Gregorian calendar and the idea that we are maybe not measuring time right jumps into mind and then I think that maybe is not my birthday after all because we might be measuring time wrong as humankind and then I think about existence maybe just being a linear expression of energy which we call life… I like the idea better.. and go back immediately to the Gregorian way of thinking –“Ok today’s my birthday” I continue sipping mate and sigh… Seventh birthday gift.

I turn on my computer, while thinking about the soaking wet rug that I must dry, and as I place my hands on the keyboard feel the urge to write (thank God, finally, I am so happy!! Thank you, thank you, thank you, eighth birthday gift). I decide I will write about being 38, but before I gotta viciously check my email and facebook.

I do and I find a bunch of congratulations, good wishes and love. I feel happy. Ninth birthday gift.

As I write, the phones are ringing, friends and family wishing me good and sending me their love. Tenth birthday gift. I am so blessed! I have so much love! I am so lucky!

The sun is rising and a plan for the day is naturally evolving without me doing anything and thanks to my good friends and family. It will be a cool day!

I count my blessings and feel extremely grateful to the point of feeling dizzy. By the end of the day I will have so many gifts that I will very likely lost track of them so I will stop counting this second but I will be fully aware of how lucky I am and how grateful I should always be for being surrounded with all this love.

I renew a commitment I wrote to myself almost two years ago (which I copy here below)

COMMITMENT

I commit to myself that I won’t take things personal.
I commit to myself that I will shift my focus.
I commit to myself that I will make better questions to wider my understanding and get better answers.
I commit to myself that I will revaluate my priorities.
I commit to myself that I will count my blessings.
I commit to myself that I will feel grateful.
I commit to myself that I will push through from better to best.
I commit to myself that I won’t settle for less.
I commit to myself that I will create a new action plan.
I commit myself to the understanding that everything happens for a reason.
I commit to myself that I will choose my thoughts.
I commit to myself that I will be happy on purpose.
I commit to myself that I will have fun.
I commit to myself that I will smile and glow.
I commit to myself that I won’t stop dreaming.
I commit to myself that I will keep creating.
I commit to myself that I will provoke a major change.
I commit to myself that I will be alert to opportunity.
I commit to myself that I will give 200%.
I commit to myself that I will live and embrace the present.
I commit to myself that I will have faith.

And decide that next time I have the inspiration I will write about a new action plan for new goals within a reasonable time frame, I’ve been thinking about it for a while now… after all I am now 38!

Having said so, I have to take care of the soaking rug before the fun starts. 17 days to go....they're going fast.

Thank you life for every second of my past 38 years and Thank you too for all that comes knocking at the door of my existence.